Here is my First Reconnexions Video
Hi. I’m Marta Arce-Dubois, founder of Reconnexions, Support for Bereaved Parents with a Holistic and Spiritual Approach. In this first video, hopefully one of many, I want to introduce myself to those of you who haven’t met me in person, and to tell you a little bit about what I’m doing and why.
My son Steven died of cancer the 10thof October of 2014. He was 27 years old. This has to be the first thing I say, because it is the reason I’m here, the reason I created Reconnexions. And I am so very sorry that the reason you and I are connected is because you have also lost a child or more than one, but I’m glad we have found each other.
Before Steven’s diagnosis on the 3rdof February 2013, my life was normal, hectic, full of promise and expectation. Steven had finished his degree and he had moved out, although he lived very close to our home and he spent most of the time with us. I was working as a University Lecturer, I taught Spanish Interpreting and Legal Translation to postgraduate students, and I worked as an Interpreter for the police and the courts and in conferences all over the world. I had even qualified as a tai chi and qigong instructor after 15 years of practice, and I had started to teach local classes.
When we found out that Steven had cancer, I gave up everything professionally. Trying to save his life became my full-time job. For 20 months we tried everything: chemotherapy, surgery, spiritualist healing, an organic diet, juicing, alternative and experimental medicine… as we kept hoping for a miracle that didn’t happen.
… and After
After he died, nothing I had done before made sense anymore. I have no other children or grandchildren. We have lived in the UK since 1996, but I’m from Madrid, in Spain, and I have no family here. My husband, who is my rock, travels a lot for work.
I spent the days alone with our dog, in a pit of despair, and things began to happen. I heard Steven, I saw him, I felt him, books fell by themselves from the shelves, lights kept going off.
I thought I was going crazy…
I thought I was going crazy in my grief, that I was going to end up in a mental health institution. I honestly thought I was delusional. I was what I call an open-minded sceptic, but, in my heart, I wanted to believe it was all real. I needed to believe that my son still existed, that he was well and that I would one day meet him again. I needed it to survive.
So I began to search…
So I decided to start reading books about the afterlife, about the survival of the soul. I needed the accounts from others to know that I wasn’t the only one experiencing these phenomena, but I also needed to read the scientific research, and even quantum physics. The right resources and information just kept appearing in front of me. I don’t have time here to tell you in detail about the many synchronicities that kept happening, but there is one that will give you an idea.
… and I found proof
On the first Mother’s Day after Steven died I was alone at home feeling very sorry for myself, as my husband had had to go for dinner with his boss who was visiting from the US. I had never heard of the Spiritualist Church, and I was surprised to see on my Facebook feed an ad about what they called Mothering Sunday Divine Service at a local church I didn’t know existed. It said that there would be a medium, and I thought I had nothing to lose, so off I went.
It was packed, and I got through the first part of the service thinking that it was too similar to a regular church service for my liking.
Then, an elderly lady medium walked up and started giving messages to other people from their loved ones in spirit. After a while, she pointed at me and said: “The lady with the red hair and the colourful shirt with the butterflies and flowers.”
I was in shock. “Me?”
“Yes, you! I have a young man in spirit here. I saw him walk in behind you when you came in. He says he’s your son.”
She then gave me some amazing messages from Steven, and finished with “Happy Mother’s Day, mum. Now, do you believe it’s all real?”
As I was leaving -as if in a cloud- the President of the church approached me and told me that he was being told by his guides to offer me a place in their closed mediumship development circle. I had no idea what he was talking about but, when he explained it to me, I decided that I had to try it. So I stayed for a few months, and I also did an online psychic development course from the US with Skype tutorials. It had 6 modules and it lasted 6 months. The last module was spirit communication and channelling.
I then found out about the Arthur Findlay College, and I also did two residential 5 day courses in mediumship there, and various workshops and other mediumship training in person and online. I knew, and I still know, that I don’t have a calling to be a medium, but I needed to find out how it all worked.
I received many messages from Steven and from my dad during my training from other trainees who didn’t know me at all. But the biggest proof of the survival of the soul for me was that, once I began to trust, I was also able to give amazing messages to other people I had never met from their loved ones in spirit.
Other Methods of Spirit Communication
And, while receiving messages from Steven through other people was really comforting, I needed to find ways to communicate directly with him, to feel his presence around me, to rebuild my relationship with him. So I continued to read, research, practice and try every form of spirit communication I have come across, or should I say that has been put in my path.
I have done course after course, training after training, and practice after practice: shamanic, active and lucid dreaming, astral travel, guided meditations, communication with a pendulum, channelled and automatic writing, Instrumental Transcommunication, to name just a few.
I came across techniques from hypnosis that helped me quieten my conscious mind to allow myself to trust and believe. I came across neurolinguistic programming techniques that helped me reframe and reprocess some of the traumatic memories relating to my son’s death and feel his presence more readily, I experienced a form of EMDR -or Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing- that led to a visitation with my son, twice, with different therapists. And I studied and tried other forms of bilateral stimulation that I could practice by myself.
Some techniques worked better than others for me, but all of them have been reported to be successful by many people. When I found something that worked, I studied it in depth. I have now qualified as a Hypnotherapist, Neurolinguistic Programming Master Practitioner and Transpersonal Grief Counsellor.
Slowly but surely, my Reconnexions projects began to take shape, and I now know that the mission that will help me continue to live in the best way I now can is sharing what I have learnt, and what I will no doubt continue to learn. I will use my academic skills and my experience in teaching and languages in a different way.
I have also had to take various specific courses and learnt other skills to be able to create the spiritual and therapeutic resources I intend to create: guided meditations and self-help processes in audio, online programmes, and even retreats in Malaga by the sea, where we can practice some of the spirit communication techniques and share our experiences and our love for our children.
I will also offer one-to-one sessions to a few people I feel I can really help. I still have much to learn, so please bear with me as I continue to create and produce, to learn and plan ahead.
A Few Thoughts…
So far, this intense journey has brought me to the following conclusions.
- A bereaved parent is much better positioned than other people to attempt to support and fully empathise with another bereaved parent. The people that have helped me survive since my son died, have all also lost children. Many have now become dear friends, and a couple I consider also my mentors in this journey.
- Grieving for our children is natural. All our feelings are normal. We have to honour our humanity and the fact that we miss their physical presence. We must allow ourselves to feel everything. Bottling things up, pretending everything is fine all the time, without allowing our grief to find an outlet, can only bring other problems down the road.
- We cannot have our children back with us on this Earth, but there is much we can do to help ourselves, to live the best life we now can in their honour and memory. It won’t be easy, but if we are willing to put in the hard work, for the rest of our lives, we can still live with meaning and purpose, allowing joy to coexist with our grief.
This is my path…
This is my path, my choice, my journey of loss, unconditional love, and survival. I know I’m being guided at every step of the way by my son, by my dad and other departed loved ones, and by something much bigger than myself, which I don’t feel a need to give a name to.
Your path and your journey may be different than mine, but I look forward to sharing what has helped me with you, if that is your wish.
If this resonates with you, please subscribe to my YouTube channel and click on the bell so that you can be notified when I upload more content. Also, Like this video, share it, comment below, visit my website and join my closed FB group which is exclusively for bereaved parents if you are not in it yet. The links are all below this video.
A big hug from the bottom of my heart to all of you who walk this path we never planned to walk.
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